Once upon a time, when Papa was just a little boy,
he loved the whole idea of soldiering. He had very many G.I. Joes, and very many little green army men. And the Little Papa loved monsters, as has been previously told. So it was only natural that Dougie would bring these two loves of his life together in a monstrously momentous clash of power and might.
In the living room of their house in Quartz Hill was a floor-to-ceiling rough-stone fireplace, and in the nooks and crannies of this fabulous rock facade Dougie would position only his very bravest little green army men. The bazookas would be gamely awaiting their fate, their bazookas ready to bazooka. The sergeants, ever frozen mid-yell, binoculars in one hand, and .45 automatic pistol in the other, they stood there in the rocks yelling at their men. They were ready. The snipers lay upon their bellies, carefully awaiting their target, hardly daring to breathe, I am not here, they tell themselves, they will their enemy to be blind to them. And the marksmen kneel on one knee. The communications guys holler into their walkie talkies.Spread out over the entire face of the fireplace, the soldiers awaited their greatest challenge. That king above all monsters (even bigger than King Kong, and much uglier, with very, very bad breath), that Japanese extreme, Godzilla!The soldiers would shout encourage back and forth, some of them would turn "yella," and attempt to slink into the fireplace, but the Sarge always yelled them back into line. Didn't they know how important this was? Didn't they know that the very world was at stake? Didn't they know that they were fighting for the very foundations of humanity? That their loved ones were counting on them?But then the terrible shuddering booms of an approaching Godzilla silenced them. Here was their doom. They KNEW they could not defeat the mutant from Japan. They licked their lips as beads of sweat rolled off their brows. They huddled with their weapons, watching with wide eyes for that first glimpse of the monster.Then the worst thing conceivable happened!"Dougie! Get in your room and clean it up! And don't just shove everything into your closet and under your bed!" Mama said, and she was not happy, since this was the third time she had told Dougie to accomplish this hopeless, thankless, impossible task."Mama!" Dougie whined, and all the soldiers looked on in commiseration. They too had Mamas at one time, and they fully understood how humiliating a moment this was. They shot him steely-eyed, firm-jawed glowers of strength. Stay strong, soldier! Remember, this is a mere WOMAN, and she may be your Mama, but she can never understand what we face here this day. How in the world was a Mama ever to understand serious business like Godzilla?"Come here!" Dougie demanded, and Mama complied. He took her and showed her the men stationed ready to defend their very world. He patiently explained each soldiers' weapon, and how they expected to strike a blow for all humanity."Oh I don't have time for this!" Mama exploded. She was a working mother who put in long hours, and then came home and tried to pound her family into some semblance of decency, and now this little creep was explaining the finer points of bringing down a Japanese monster! How much could she put up with?"Mama!" Dougie whined, as he could so well, "This is GODZILLA we're talking about.""Oh okay!" she sighed. "Kill the lizard, and THEN get in there and clean up your room!"The soldiers nodded. Good work, soldier. She can never understand what we are up against here. She will never appreciate how many of us will die here this day. How could she? She just called the most fabulous monster the Earth has ever seen...a lizard."Where were we?" Dougie wondered. Each soldier took his position of concentrated terror. Each soldier marshaled his will power. Each soldier clutched his weapon with steely, white-fingered grips. Sweat beaded. Tongues nervously licked lips.Okay, back on schedule. Dougie ran back up the hall and then stomped his feet. Errr-oooar-EEERRRR! He groaned, doing his best to sound like 10,000 industrial-strength urinals all flushing simultaneously."Cut out that noise or I'm going to come out there and spank you!" Dada roared from the bedroom.Yikes, now THERE was a monster far worse than Godzilla.Okay, don't lose focus. Those pesky green little men were out there, and they wished to harm you, and you would NEVER let them get away with biting you with their puny weapons. Fools! Challenge the mighty Godzilla? Why, Japan couldn't handle me, and they had those cheapo laser guns that didn't do a thing to my scaly green hide. Hmmmph! These pesky, petty American soldiers. They probably had bazookas, for pity's sake! They probably had sniper rifles! Their sargeants probably had a pistol in one hand and a pathetic old-fashioned Colt .45 automatic in their other hand!Come on! where were the nukes? Where were the lasers and ray guns and other fun equipments of vast destruction?And there, in the distance, Godzilla sees the green men, and the sight infuriates his mutant hearts. Stupid little green army men.Errr-oooar-EEERRR! Godzilla thunders."I TOLD you to shut up out there!" Dada answers Godzilla's challenge.Okay, this will must be a silent exchange. The soldier's nod in resolute agreement. They are willing, if Godzilla can shut his big trouble-making yap! Because any second, something will emerge from the hallway much more horrific than any paltry overgrown lizard, something that will truly roar, something that will cause massive devasation in moments, reducing poor Godzilla to tears.And Godzilla lumbers forward, always moving in thunderous slow motion, shooting fire from his maw, and the soldiers open up with eveything they have. The machine-gun nest with seven blazing machine guns blasts Godzilla with everything they got. The bazookas blast away. The sarge thunders his commands (silently, shhh, remember, there is something WORSE than Godzilla, waiting, just over the horizon) and it is a terrific battle. Godzilla works in close, actually staggering at points when the terrific bombardment slams his scaly green hide. The soldiers leap forward with renewed fervor, men! Men! We have this one chance! Blast his scaly hide! Blast him to kingdom come, blast him men.Blast! Blast! Blast!Godzilla staggers again, his fire shooting very wide of its mark. And then in a renewed burst of fury Godzilla swipes and takes out the whole machine-gunners nest. The bazookas are blasting continuously, their tubes smoking hot, and Godzilla trains his fiery rain upon them. The poor little green army men, they don'tt stand a chance as they puddle, oh the humanity as they puddle into green plastic goo.Out of spite, Godzilla actually begins to munch off the heads of several men that are still alive! The insolence of this mutant beast, is there no pity, no admiration for courage? What have the Japanese been feeding this foul lizard, anyway?Godzilla belches. Loudly. That'll show the puny little twerps.Then Godzilla hears something from far away, calling to his mutant hearts. He turns, and begins to thunder away.The soldiers cheer. We did it! We drove away the monster!They begin to gather their wounded and their dead......and Godzilla laughs, because he will be back. Oh yes, he will return, most definitely, and this time he will grant them no quarter, no peace, no respite. Silly little green army men......but for now, other, greater monsters are calling. And Dougie must tackle that room...or else!All Stories © 2009 Douglas Christian Larsen
important - FIGHT THE FLU WITH HERBS - important
