Once upon a time, when Papa was just a little boy,
he had a nightmare that now seems more funny than horrifying, but when he was a little boy it was one of the scariest dreams he ever had. It involved the Coo Coo Bird, a breakfast cereal cartoon character that Dougie loved: every time the little boy saw a commercial featuring the Coo Coo Bird, he laughed and laughed. Commercials aimed at children go back pretty far, at least to the point where dinosaurs roamed the world in quest of candy-coated puffed rice.
There were all kinds of cartoon characters that were every bit as lovable as Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny, and yet you could only get ahold of them on a cereal box, such as Quisp, which was a little fly-guy alien kind of thing with a propeller on its little head, and there was Quisp's friend (or was it enemy), Quake, a lumbering miner type guy who apparently found great nuggets of sugar beneath the ground, and wore a bright yellow helmet with a light (Mama saved boxtops for Dougie and sent away for a little cap with a propeller, and also a bright yellow helmet with a light, and these were two of Dougie's toys even when the propeller snapped off the Quisp hat and the light stopped working on the Quake helmet).Dougie's favorite all-time cartoon character was Gigantor, this nondescript brown giant robot, controlled by a little boy who looked suspiciously like Speed Racer. The little boy operated Gigantor with a rudimentary remote control that consisted of two levers and two antennae. And when the little boy operated Gigantor, he concentrated so hard that big drops of what looked like water started squeezing out of his head, and Dougie always wondered what in the world that was, it was like the little boy loved Gigantor so much that his hair produced great tears.There was another cartoon, also very Japanese in style, that Dougie loved, about some animals that traveled around in a giant tire (or possibly there was a bubble inside of a tractor tire), it seemed there was a talking donkey, a very attractive rabbit, maybe a few others as well, and they possibly could or couldn't turn into children -- it's all very confusing, as the last time he watched it he was about two years of age.One night Dougie got out of bed and walked out into the hall (the very same hall where once he and his sister were surprised by a giant red hand), and there standing in the living room was the Coo Coo Bird. The cartoon creature stood there, looking around, taking in the sites, flipping through the photo albums in the tall white bookcase. It hadn't seen the little boy.Dougie didn't laugh. For some reason, seeing a hilarious cartoon character in real life isn't quite so funny as seeing it on a black and white television set. And Dougie knew that Mama didn't have any Coco Puffs in the house. That could be bad. He didn't suppose the Coo Coo Bird would like a bowl of Quisp, or Quake -- those could even anger him.Then the Coo Coo Bird turned and saw the little boy, and it got a particularly crazed look in its big rolling cartoon eyes. Dougie knew what that look meant, it meant that the Coo Bird thought that HE, Dougie, was a box of Cocoa Puffs! Dougie began to scream.The Coo Coo Bird, moving very slowly, began taking exaggerated sneaking steps up the hall toward Dougie, its beak twisted into a sneering leer. Then Dougie's Dada came into the hall from his bedroom. He was about to yell at his son, when his eyes caught the movement of the Coo Coo Bird.Dada and the Coo Coo Bird stared at each other.Dougie figured Dada would beat up the Coo Coo Bird, because he was a giant, and much bigger in every way than the cartoon, who usually was crammed into a black and white console television (a TV which was about the size and shape as a coffin, and as heavy as if it contained several bodies). But the strange thing was, Dada had a very funny look on his face. Not the kind of funny where you laugh at a cartoon character, but the kind of funny that you've never seen before.Dougie perceived something he had never seen before. It was the look on Dada's face.Dada was terrified of the Coo Coo Bird.Then the Coo Coo Bird opened its beak and let out a horrid, horrifying squawk: "I'm Coo Coo for Coco Puffs!"Dougie didn't laugh like he did when he heard the big bird say that line on television. Here in the dark hall with his terrified father, it was the most terrible thing he had ever heard. Dada seized Dougie and slung him over his shoulder. And he turned and ran into the master bedroom. Dougie bounced on Dada's shoulder and facing backward, his head bashing up and down, he saw that the Coo Coo Bird was hot in pursuit, and catching up fast.Dada ran fast, from the bedroom (which was strangely empty of furniture, no bed, no metal trash can with pointed spikes on which Dougie impaled his forehead, nothing, just an empty gray groom) into the master bathroom, and here came the Coo Coo Bird, all the while screaming in demonic glee: "I'm Coo Coo for Coco Puffs!"Dada ran from the master bathroom out the other door into the den and the Coo Coo Bird was right behind Dougie, reaching out with its nasty-looking feathers, trying to grab him and pull him off Dada's shoulder. The bird looked so hungry. Dougie could almost feel that beak as it bit him.But Dada kept running, rushing from the den back out into the hall where all of this had stopped, and instead of running to the left where the living room and the front door were located, Dada, rushed back up the hall into the master bedroom again, and here was the Coo Coo Bird in hot pursuit shrieking: "I'm Coo Coo for Coco Puffs I'm Coo-Coo for Coco Puffs!"And they kept doing that, going round and around, in the loop, in the circle of the dark, empty house. There was no Mama in the house, no Donna, no Pammy, just a terrified Dada, a little boy named Dougie, and a very hungry Coo Coo Bird, running in circles, the Coo Coo Bird never quite catching them, and they never quite escaping, round and around they ran.Possibly, that nightmare was an early analogy for the way the little boy's life would go, always the Coo Coo Bird back there, almost upon him, never quite catching him, and Dougie running, no longer carried upon the shoulder of a giant protector, but now he is the giant protector, and children cling to his back, and round and around they go."I'm Coo Coo for Coco Puffs!"All Stories © 2009 Douglas Christian Larsen
important - FIGHT THE FLU WITH HERBS - important
